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I am just old enough to remember the good old fashioned ‘wall’ that was the toilet in old fashioned football grounds. From my early visits to football in the late 80’s I have a have a vague recollection of what for years was the only type of toilet in football grounds. When I was growing up I was told that peeing against a wall was disgusting, and I should never do it. However football has the ability to allow parents to abandon normal behaviour and allow their children away with things which they would usually ring their neck for. Going to the toilet at my early football matches was one of those. The development of modern football stadia has seen a massive change to toilet facilities in football grounds. For one, women are now catered for!! One of my earliest memories is of a visit to the first game at McDiarmid Park in 1989, where a guy came in the gents in state of shock and embarrassment, proclaiming to all who cared to listen that he had just walked in to the women’s toilets. ‘‘Whit dae wae need thame fir’’ he said. Here I offer a review of the toilets at the current second division grounds. Please take note that it is a while since ive been to a few of these grounds, so apologies if any of my comments are out of date. Apologies also to any female readers, but I haven’t visited your rest rooms at any ground other than Forthbank. Maybe one of you would do a similar article for a future edition. |
Alloa Athletic - Recreation Park - 6/10 |
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| A while since ive been to the ‘Recs’ but as a venue I visited with what I now regard as alarming regularity in my younger years, I have a reasonable recollection of the toilets. Until the erection of the new main stand the ‘Recs’ offered (may still do) an |
| old fashioned toilet with a wall, which efficiently removed your waste (to supply local houses with drinking water). No washing facilities and little lighting, although small windows allowed a little natural light in. With the new stand in 1990 recreation Park received Alloa’s first inside toilet. This state of the art building not only had a toilet which flushed, but also offered soap as well as hot and cold running water. Piles of old newspaper were replaced with modern toilet paper and electrical lights enabled people in the town were able to see when peeing at night for the first time ever. Sorry Alloa fans, toilets in the new stand are from what I remember run of the mill for new stands, so see Brechin and Dumbarton, although not as big. |
Arbroath - Gayfield - 6/10 |
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| Within the main stand there are decent relatively clean toilets. Not particularly big, but clean, well lit and containing running water. On my couple of visits ive never seen any sign of leaking pipes and they actually appear to be cleaned. I’m lead to |
| believe that on the other side of the ground Gayfield offers an old fashioned toilet facility, which provides a very different form of running water from most grounds! However ive never used this facility so il not make any comment on it. Overall the toilets at Gayfield can best be described as clean and efficient; although i’m sure Simon will feel they deserve far more credit than that. |
Ayr United - Somerset Park - 0.5/10 |
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| Probably the worst toilets ive come across. A stinking building, with no lights, running water and absolutely no useable cubicles, the toilets at Somerset can best be described as a cauldron of collecting waste. Whilst taking a pee it is essential |
| to position yourself in a certain way to stop your feet from being covered in your own or others further along the walls waste. Wouldn’t even contemplate a ‘number 2’ 0/5. A wholly unpleasant experience, in what is as close to the worst toilet from Trainspotting as i’ve seen in any ground. Go in the pub before hand if possible. |
Berwick Rangers - Shielfield Park - 6/10 |
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| Haven’t been to Shielfield so Berwick gets off lightly! Comments are based on feedback from other supporters. Toilets are located in a modern, state of the art porto cabin. Clean, with a small number of urinals and bearable cubicles, Shielfield receives |
a 3 for ‘number 2’ potential. Running water, paper towels and soap on offer for cleaning hands, although the latter two in limited supply, so going late in the game it’s likely you’ll have to make do with dipping your hands under the water. On down side, not particularly big, so be prepared to queue if part of a larger travelling support. |
Brechin City - Glebe Park - 9/10 |
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| The massive modern stand behind the goal provides excellent facilities at Glebe. Spacious and clean, with no sign of leaks or any waste on the floor, there are also cubicles which were stocked with toilet roll (which I required as I was full of the cold last |
time I visited) and give it a 4/5 for ‘number 2’ potential. Running warm and cold running water and plentiful supplies of soap and paper towels to wash and dry your hands. Overall fans are spoiled in here. Almost expect and old guy to offer aftershave and a hand towel! |
Dumbarton - Strathclyde Homes Stadium - 8/10 |
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| Dumbarton’s new stand offers spacious, clean and well lit toilets. Big enough (when Albion visit) to allow most fans a choice of where to go and stand without having to squeeze between two fat guys to do your stuff before getting back out for the start of the |
2nd half. A couple of cubicles which given the newness of the stadium would probably allow a 4 for ‘number 2’ potential. Again fans are spoiled with hot and cold running water, as well as soap and towels for cleaning and drying hands. Only downside for visiting fans is the fear that you will be told off by the local stewards for standing up!! Massive improvement on what I remember of Boghead. |
Forfar Athletic - Station Park - 5/10 |
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| Like Gayfield, Station Park offers variety in its toilet facilities. On entering the ground there is an old fashioned building with a wall, which despite its age is actually relatively pleasant. At the far end of the ground there is a newish toilet, with urinals and |
a cubicle. There is running water, although i’ve never known hot water to come out the taps! The size of these toilets is perfectly adequate for the average Forfar game, although I wouldn’t fancy trying to get in should a bigger crowd be in town. Overall station Park offers decent toilet facilities, but in all truth few folk really care as long as they get a to the bridie shop. |
Greenock Morton - Cappielow - 1/10 |
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| Were it not for the appalling primitive facilities on offer at Somerset, Cappielow could very well have been deemed the worst toilets in the league. For visiting fans the toilet is located in the back of the main stand. The building appears to have been |
| recently renovated, but unfortunately it appears nobody in Greenock was capable of keeping them in anything like decent condition. Firstly visiting fans are forced to walk through the rickety main stand, then forced to wait whilst locals get their fortnightly exposure to water and do their washing. (how else can you explain having to wait the whole of half time?) Once inside things don’t improve. Stinking and repulsive with god knows what all over the floor. Temperamental lighting (maybe that was just because it its always raining when I go to Greenock) Running water was on offer, however it usually appears that the sinks have been used for something other than cleansing, therefore no hand washing facilities. Not as bad as Ayr, only because they are slightly (50 years) newer, but experience was almost as daunting. |
Stirling Albion - Forthbank Stadium - 7/10 |
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| Now only relatively modern Forthbank offers pretty similar facilities to Brechin and Dumbarton, although on a smaller scale. Clean, well lit and always stocked with paper towels and toilet roll, Forthbank receives a 4/5 for ‘number 2’ rating. |
| Running water, both hot and cold and the bonus of a water fountain for those thirsty summer days, although cant say i’ve ever dared to drink the water. Only down side is the size of the urinal, which generally isn’t a problem, but with bigger crowds can result in a fairly lengthy queue, that goes out the wee mans room and can get mixed up with the queue for the pie stand! |
Stranraer - Stair Park - 3/10 |
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| Stair Park may have lovely fresh new toilets in the main stand, but what they offer to the hardy souls who stand on the terracing, grass banking, shed is in a word, awful. A dark, stinking, building, which has clearly never been cleaned. Looked as though |
| there may have been some attempt to do some work to them in recent years, but clearly no attempt has been made to maintain them. No running water from the taps and cubicles which are even darker than the rest of the building which gives it a ‘number 2’ rating of 1. To be fair, the building does seem to remove your waste without spilling it all over the floor, therefore enabling you to leave without your feet being covered in all sorts! Pretty bad, but not quite in the same league as Somerset or Cappielow. Probably be more hygienic to pee in the bushes behind the goal |
